State My Creed

To bind men together in a brotherhood, based upon eternal and immutable principles. With a bond as strong as right itself, and as lasting as humanity. To know no north, no south, no east, no west, but to know man as man. To teach that true men the world over, should stand together and contend for the supremacy of good over evil. To teach not politics but morals. To foster not partisanship, but the recognition of true merit wherever found. To have no narrower limits within which to work together for the elvation of man, than that outlines of the world. These were the thoughts and hopes uppermost in the minds of the founders of the Alpha Tao Omega fraternity.
-Otis Allan Glazebrook, 1880

Yes Cash, that is what you think it is.
Yes Cash, I can still recite it verbatim on any given notice, regardless of the state of intoxication I am in, without missing a single word or stopping at any point.
No, I am not sure how I feel about it, either.

Not really sure why I gave this to you, but it just came to me last night in a cab ride home, and I decided to share it with the world.
I wish everyone could experience at least one semester of what it is like to live in a fraternity house, a real one. ASU has these dorms, and some school have like an apartment complex that by bylaws is considered a "house". But by no means is/was/ or ever will be remotely close the life experiences gained by living in a house with 50 dudes, two bathrooms, 2 pissers and 4 shitters and 8 showers. You do the math on this works. Oh, and during parties, the upstairs might or might not be for alcohol attainment devices while the downstairs is designated to "women’s" status. I do question the sanity and sanity of any girl willing to "go" in one of our bathrooms. But, the funniest aspect, was by a landslide the showering situation. First, let me preface by saying, due to cost restrains, the people who loved in during the summer, did not have the luxury of hot water. I probably showered 40 times in the house one summer, with a total time of showering, under 10 minutes. Now, the opposite is true during the semester. Not only is hot water provided for you, but at the great coincidence that you would be showering the same time someone uses the toilet, anytime someone flushes, you are literally showered with burning hot water. There are many a brother with scars on, hopefully their backs not their “woo-hoos”, from someone not yelling “flush”. The mental scarring that occurred, most definitely carried over to life outside of the Fraternity House, because I remember taking a shower at my parent’s house one Christmas break, and there was an ever-so-slight change in water pressure. I almost knocked myself out slamming into the shower wall trying to avoid the, what I thought was inevitable, shower of lava-water. To my gleeful surprise, such a burning did not occur. Thank you, mom and dad for investing in half-way decent plumbing. May God have mercy on their souls, who did not yell flush went finishing their “business”, mainly it was “stupid-chicks” who either had not been around a fraternity house enough to know the proper etiquette (on a side note, it just took me 3 minutes to find out how to spell “etiquette”, gosh I’m a moron), or were just plain stupid. Sometimes there were flush wars. These were like Mexican standoffs. You remembered a “bro” not yelling flush, so you waited in the shadows for him to shower, so you could, “flush” him. On and on it went, until one of you…well I’m not sure how they ended, they just did.
The point of these individual things is not that important, but what was, was a certain saying that went around, “Welcome to the Fraternity House”. It was used, somewhat like how our parents referred to “Murphy’s Law”, in the sense that whenever something bad happened, was happening or about to happen, that you could not or were not allowed to control, someone would shrug their shoulders and mutter, “Welcome to the Fraternity House”, and be done with it. Someone is blaring their music at 3 am on a Tuesday night, you have a midterm in 5 hours, and they wont shut it off? “Welcome to the Fraternity House”. Someone broke into your room, literally, breaking your lock, shattering the only security you had separating your room from the rest of the savages, now all you have left are shards of wood that resemble what was your door, just to borrow “World Cup Soccer” and or “Dazed and Confused”? “Welcome to the Fraternity House”. Dylon decides to piss in the middle of your room, while you are taking a shower, because you put a piece of trash in his? “Welcome to the Fraternity House”. Glass embedded in your carpet, causing you to have about a million slivers in your foot, due to bros “bowling” last night in the hallway? “Welcome to the Fraternity House”. (Side note: Please remind me to list the greatest sports/activities we came up with on random nights, “bro bowling” and “roof swings” being my two favorites that didn’t include pledges. Duck Hunt however, did include pledges). This type of disregard to someone’s plight, only because they live in a fraternity house, while however angry it made me at the time, is now brilliant in it’s simplicity. It is similar to Tao of Dell’s “it is a joke” or my previous, “oh well, get over it”. Welcome to the Fraternity House called life, boys and girls. While we might not get sweet sweaters, or Monday night deliveries, our day to day misfortunes are very similar.

Welcome to the Fraternity House, Bitches!