Wanna Buy Some Wood?

Last Saturday, in my hungover/comatic state I decided to watch a bunch of DVDs I had bought, but didn’t have time to watch.

1) Where the Buffalo Roam, staring Bill Murray as Hunter S. Thompson. I was expecting a never heard of version of Stripes, or at least Ghost Busters. But that never came. This was a weird one to watch, I wouldn’t really recommend it to anyone. But I liked it. This movie did remind me of a debate one time, that the 80s didn’t have any hot chicks in movies. Which I think is blasphemy. There were plenty of hot chicks in movies in the 80’s. The only difference is all of those chicks were only in one movie, and then never heard of again. I think this proves, without a reasonable doubt, that the “casting couch” was a deciding factor into who would play the leading female roles. Ahh, the “casting couch, I wish we could still use those now-a-days, friggin sexual harassment. Imagine using the “casting couch” when hiring an intern for the summer…
2) Taxi, staring no one you’ll know. This French movie is what they based the Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah Mega-hit on. However their remake, like anything with Fallon involved, was a terrible. Looking it up on IMDB, I just realized Fallon’s character’s name was Washburn. I think I’ll go drink a pint of Drano and chase it with some jacks. Anyways, I didn’t watch the Latifah version, but I did watch this French one, which was actually pretty cool. There’s a really hot French chick, and some good-to-great chase scenes with sweet/epic crashes. I’d recommend this one, if you are looking for something different. One thing I’d like to mention is, although the French are smelly, rude, wimpy spineless freaks who openly support terrorists and who’s army could probably be defeated by a WNBA team, they have some damn beautiful women.
3) Closer, staring Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, Jude Law and Clive Owen. I can’t say enough about how much I liked this movie. First of all, Portman as a Stripper can never be a bad idea, but that only scratches the surface. That just gets me in my seat. The movie stays within the 4 main characters for the entire movie (there are only 6 listed in the credits). I’ve heard (since I’m not “Industry” people) that there is always a struggle between balancing plot development and character development. I think limiting it to 4 main characters, helps in the balance. What I can’t say enough about, however, is the dialogue. Closer displayed some of the most “real” dialogue I’ve ever seen on screen. Things I’ve felt in a relationship, and sometimes asked, but never pushed for the truth, are geniusly brought to light in this movie. At one point Julia Roberts is reviewing a book that Jude Law writes, and her synopsis is identical to the one I would give the movie. Great insight into the male mind and persona, and in now way a comedic one. I don’t want to give anything away, so I won’t say anything more, but it was one of the best movies I’ve seen in years, no exaggeration. And Natalie Portman as a stripper can never be a bad idea.

Whenever you hear “The Rose” by Bette Midler, do you think of the Happy Hands Club?

Memo to Aaron Karo: While I do admit I found some of your newsletters funny, you DO NOT speak for all dudes. “Around The Horn” is one of the worst sport shows ever invented. You should be ashamed to admit you liked it.

Memo to The Guy who lived in my apartment before me: Thank you for your genuine concern of my wellbeing. Thank you for protecting me from such cinematic atrocities that come in the form of NC-17 and Unrated movies. Thank you setting the DVD player to not play movies over an R rating. Furthermore, thank you for not leaving the password that would allow me to TURN OFF THE PARENTAL LOCK! Needless to stay, I spent two hours trying to “unlock” the parental lock buy guessing your code. Unable to guess it, I started where any smart person would, with 001, 002, 003, 004…I got all the way to 390 when I realized the code can be 4 digits, and I would have to start with 0001. “fuck me”. The funny part, it was all in attempt to watch Sideways, not even porn.

Memo to Demos: Want to buy some wood?