Stop Pulling My Yang

There has been some recent talk about the Ying Yang Twins and there excellent Cribs exposure. Little did I know that they were rappers, I thought you meant THESE Twins. Twins, Charlene Choi, Gillian Chung (they are called The Twins, but actually are not) are much more suitable to be named the Ying Yang twins.

I think I have mentioned innumerous times how much I hate soccer and then in the next breath I say I don’t hate it that much, whatever. However, unarguably THIS soccer display is actually entertaining.

Reading my buddy Dimes’ article err- blog about him coaching the Miami Heat reminded me of a story from when he and I, along with C-Ev coached the LC Boys JV Team. We had a game against the much hated CV team, which had a deaf player on the squad. However, he had an earpiece synced up to a microphone which allowed the coach to call in plays to his PG. Thinking that this was an unfair advantage, Coach Hoffman suggested that his son Billy wear a similar earpiece in which he could give directions in real time like “Billy, kick it to Bobby. Billy, shoot the three. Skip pass” but then he realized that this could never work because his assistant coach “The Harv” would be too busy yelling “BOBBY, BAAAAAAAAAAAHB, BOBBY, BAAAAAAAHBBBY” into the microphone, scaring (and scarring) the shit out of Billy. Imagine Harv’s “BAAAAAAAHBY” blasting in your dome while trying to play basketball. That my friends, is torture.

WIS Update:
I DID get the job at Washburn University of Topeka Kansas. Which to say I am excited about, is an understatement. So, I am officially in “The Two” along with Juice. Our other brother from “our alternate universe/dimension” made the leap, to the disgruntlement of many a reputable D2 coaches, to “The Uno”. One thing to mention is that not only does my new school share my last name, but on it’s roster is one mean rebounding Eric Sanchez. Who I might add, will be starting next season for me. How can I not start my High School idol? A note about E. My sophomore year of high school was very troubling for me. We moved into the house across the street while our real one was being rebuilt. I chose to quit JV basketball to play sophomore, a decision I still question today. I was “given” a failing grade by my English teacher because my term paper did not have the correct parenthetical referencing (and possibly because I saw her out in Old Twon one night, on a date with a complete Dork, and the fact that I was often drunk or drinking in her first period class. I heart Tracy White). Anyways, that year I changed my number from 31 to 33 since E was number 33. But after that I changed back to #31 (and it’s been smooth sailing every since). Which now reminds me that maybe I missed my 10 year reunion. Oh well, I didn’t really like many people at the school while I was there, why bother myself with listening to their boring drabble for an evening.

Me: Hey [Insert Girl’s Name Here]. So, what do you do? What’s your story?
Girl: I’m married. I have two kids and I’m a teacher. My husband Bill here works for Merrill Lynch (or PWC or something). How about you, what do you do?

Me: (attempting to wake myself up from the induced coma caused by countless boring conversations, terrible food and obviously the 9 glasses of cheap wine I have to drink) I bang chicks… and I work in Shanghai for an internet company based out of LA. I’m not married, nor do I plan to be anytime soon. I don’t own a house, a dog or even a plant for that matter. I’m gripping the fact that everyday I wake up one day older and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I act like I am 23, constantly struggling with my 3rd biggest fear, getting old, which follows very closely to Clowns and women with leg hair.

Girl: Uh……Oh.

There you have it folks. Sides 10 year reunion in 10 seconds and I didn’t even have to fly home for it. Sa-weet!

This just in, diet Dr. Pepper DOES taste like real Dr. Pepper.