Stop Pulling My Yang

There has been some recent talk about the Ying Yang Twins and there excellent Cribs exposure. Little did I know that they were rappers, I thought you meant THESE Twins. Twins, Charlene Choi, Gillian Chung (they are called The Twins, but actually are not) are much more suitable to be named the Ying Yang twins.

I think I have mentioned innumerous times how much I hate soccer and then in the next breath I say I don’t hate it that much, whatever. However, unarguably THIS soccer display is actually entertaining.

Reading my buddy Dimes’ article err- blog about him coaching the Miami Heat reminded me of a story from when he and I, along with C-Ev coached the LC Boys JV Team. We had a game against the much hated CV team, which had a deaf player on the squad. However, he had an earpiece synced up to a microphone which allowed the coach to call in plays to his PG. Thinking that this was an unfair advantage, Coach Hoffman suggested that his son Billy wear a similar earpiece in which he could give directions in real time like “Billy, kick it to Bobby. Billy, shoot the three. Skip pass” but then he realized that this could never work because his assistant coach “The Harv” would be too busy yelling “BOBBY, BAAAAAAAAAAAHB, BOBBY, BAAAAAAAHBBBY” into the microphone, scaring (and scarring) the shit out of Billy. Imagine Harv’s “BAAAAAAAHBY” blasting in your dome while trying to play basketball. That my friends, is torture.

WIS Update:
I DID get the job at Washburn University of Topeka Kansas. Which to say I am excited about, is an understatement. So, I am officially in “The Two” along with Juice. Our other brother from “our alternate universe/dimension” made the leap, to the disgruntlement of many a reputable D2 coaches, to “The Uno”. One thing to mention is that not only does my new school share my last name, but on it’s roster is one mean rebounding Eric Sanchez. Who I might add, will be starting next season for me. How can I not start my High School idol? A note about E. My sophomore year of high school was very troubling for me. We moved into the house across the street while our real one was being rebuilt. I chose to quit JV basketball to play sophomore, a decision I still question today. I was “given” a failing grade by my English teacher because my term paper did not have the correct parenthetical referencing (and possibly because I saw her out in Old Twon one night, on a date with a complete Dork, and the fact that I was often drunk or drinking in her first period class. I heart Tracy White). Anyways, that year I changed my number from 31 to 33 since E was number 33. But after that I changed back to #31 (and it’s been smooth sailing every since). Which now reminds me that maybe I missed my 10 year reunion. Oh well, I didn’t really like many people at the school while I was there, why bother myself with listening to their boring drabble for an evening.

Me: Hey [Insert Girl’s Name Here]. So, what do you do? What’s your story?
Girl: I’m married. I have two kids and I’m a teacher. My husband Bill here works for Merrill Lynch (or PWC or something). How about you, what do you do?

Me: (attempting to wake myself up from the induced coma caused by countless boring conversations, terrible food and obviously the 9 glasses of cheap wine I have to drink) I bang chicks… and I work in Shanghai for an internet company based out of LA. I’m not married, nor do I plan to be anytime soon. I don’t own a house, a dog or even a plant for that matter. I’m gripping the fact that everyday I wake up one day older and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I act like I am 23, constantly struggling with my 3rd biggest fear, getting old, which follows very closely to Clowns and women with leg hair.

Girl: Uh……Oh.

There you have it folks. Sides 10 year reunion in 10 seconds and I didn’t even have to fly home for it. Sa-weet!

This just in, diet Dr. Pepper DOES taste like real Dr. Pepper.

Only If You Want To

So, as is one of my two brethren of our "alternate dimension", I am awaiting word back on two job applications I sent in yesterday. I hope my interviews and reputation were strong enough to land one of the two. I am now impatiently refreshing my inbox every 30 minutes to see if there is a response. I will post as soon as I hear back, if it is good. If the news is bad, I might just throw myself into the Huanpu river.

I'd like to think myself as pretty internet savvy, however I'm greatly disappointed that only now did I discover the funniest thing on The World Wide Web.

"My Friend, YOU'VE BEEN KICKED IN THE NUTS". Pure genius in all its simplicity and flawless in execution. Kudos to you.

I Hate "3" people

I’m going to go ahead and say that Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved”, while although it may have been overplayed on the radio at some time back, still needs to be considered in the upper echelon of songs. I keep going back and forth with it and Jimmy Eat World’s Kill (Kill is #1, no doubt…but same league).

My Top 5 Play-list right now looks like this*
1. Kill – JEW
2. She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5
3. New Slang – The Shins
4. Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby – Counting Crows
5. Champagne High – Sister Hazel
6. Numb/Encore – Linkin Park/Jay-Z

Dell, immediately after reading this, can you please attempt to put together a By The Numbers, possibly in old-school email form? It’s been too many months since I have last seen one from you and I am jones-ing for one.

Allow me a brief rant. I work in a build with about 35 floors. Intelligently they have 6 elevators, divide into two groups; those that go to floors 1-18 and those that go 1,18-36. Which is brilliant, except for the fact that one company has offices on both the 3rd floor and one in the 20’s. This has to be a large company because every time I get on the damn elevator, regardless of which direction I am taking it, I HAVE TO STOP on the 3rd floor. I’m going from the 1st to the 7th…OH WAIT, I’m stopping on 3 because either someone in the elevator is getting off on 3 or someone on 3 wants to go up to 18 to then take another elevator to 20-blah fucking something. I’m on 7 going to 1, will I get there non-stop? NOPE! Homo A that is already in the elevator is getting off on 3 or Homo-tron B on 3 needs to get to the bottom. It drives me absolutely Ape-Shit. If I met someone, guy or girl, outside of work, like at a bar or something and they told me they worked on the 3rd floor of Haitong Tower, I quite possible would poor my entire drink on their head. I would then yell something like, “You really should use the fucking stairs, you inept piece of shit. Because of you and your worthless co-workers, I have wasted precious time stopping on your floor at least 4 times a day. Time that I can never have back” and then I’d kick them in the shins. I fucking hate 3rd floor dwellers. (and since I am referring to them as dwelling on the 3rd floor, that would mean I assume that their office is their dwelling, LSB**). If there is anything in my life I need less of, it is definitely 3rd floor people.

Thanks again to “The Little Dude” for giving me the shout-outs in his blog. But, I already moved to China, so ha ha.

My quote of the day:
“I want to hear from you, Rancho Santa Mesa” – Jim Rome

*this Top 5 list actually contains six songs not five. They are listed in no particular order and I have mentioned nothing about them, other than listings them. I have no reason for listings these six songs either.

**LSB stands for Law School Boy. Although, I would prefer to popularize LSH: Law School Homo or possibly LSD: as in Law School Dork.

Hi Monday!

I'd love to know who won the Singles Tournament this last weekend in Manhattan Beach. Hope everyone competed well, got bombed and had fun.

I had the usual Friday experiences this last weekend. However, for some reason the best of my all of my past Fridays combined to form this last Friday. I really cannot remember a better Friday Night out, I've ever had in my life. It was like the VOLTRON of Fridays, really. At one point my buddy and I turned to each other, and in almost stereo said something along ths lines of, "we fucking own this city". No one did it better then we did that night. Seriously. Please come out here before I move back to the states. I would hate that you would have wasted a chance to run around destroying shit (figuratively) in Shanghai, like we do on a weekly basis. By the way, I got home around 6:30 am.

Oh, and "The OC" is gay. Just plain gay. If there is one thing I miss less than traffic, it's the wanna-be Bev 90210 called "The OC".

Quote of the day:
"I plan to see "Monster-in-Law" just as soon as I finish re-reading the Dowd Report on Pete Rose." - Mike Lupica

Take That And Rewind It Back

I thought I would start to share with you all a little more of my sites here in Shanghai. Here is a shot of part of my morning commute to work. I have a 10 minute walk to the Metro, by which I have the distinct pleasure of passing the Jin Mao Tower, the 4th tallest building in the World (tallest building in China) in addition to being the “highest” hotel.




Last week was ‘Golden Week”? All I knew was that it was a labor holiday, I had no idea the name. But this name came from my Caucasian boss in the U.S. and I had yet to hear anyone here refer to it as “Golden Week”, so I am hesitant to put any weight into that name. For the week off only took one small trip to a nearby city called Hangzhou. The main attraction of this city is the large lake, West Lake (how coincidental) that is centered in its city. The city is very scenic with the abundance of foliage. At time I thought I was in Vermont or something. But then I remembered that I had never been to Vermont, so I must still be in friggin China.





I was very happy when I got home after this trip as I had to ride in a car with 4 girls on the way there, and then 3 on the way back. In no way do I mean this a bragging like, “Hey, I went to Hangzhou with 4 chicks” because it wasn’t like that at all. You know when you somehow get stuck in the “Chicks” car on a way to the bars or a party? You know, when they cackle on and on about lame ass shit that has no relevance to anything you care about nor makes any logical argument whatsoever. Ok, like that except for 4 hours, and in Chinese. Oh, and an Usher CD playing on repeat, for 4 hours on the way there. On the way back there was one song on repeat for 45 minutes. 1 song…45 minutes. And it wasn’t even “Yeah”. To top it all off, the driving was I-think-I-shat-my-pants scary. No lane integrity, at all. By lane integrity I don’t just mean her’s and the one next to her, but lanes in general. We were passing people on the right, in the emergency lane. The girl driving, while extremely nice I may add, was going way too fast and cutting everyone off as she bobbed and weaved in and out of traffic like Muhammad Freaking Ali. But luckily she didn’t wrap her new Mercedes around some pole and we all made it home safely. Good Times.



This is my home…

Tuesday Side A

Yes, today is Monday yet I worked yesterday, so Monday is actually Tuesday. Only the rest of the week is the same as a normal week, just I have two Tuesdays, hence Tuesday A. Sucks.
I heard for a good time go here It seems like a creation from my friend Walter Cash but ala I think he was a little to late for this one.

I had a friend visit me here in Shanghai after she did a Beauty/Talent Pageant in some other Chinese city that really isn't even worth mentioning. I hope it wasn't this pageant. God I really hope it wasn't.

I've been feeling a little down lately, not after seeing a picture of "The Catch" and also the single greatest moment in the history of my sad, sad, pathetic SO FUCKING GREAT life.



Oh it is great to be alive!

There are few things you should never do to a bro. Here they are in increasing severity:
Level 1) Don't ever use your friend's Toothbrush/Razor/Deodorant without first asking permission. Some guys have issues, some don't. But you should always ask. Sorry Dell for using your Razor without asking....My Bad. I never said I was a good friend.
Level 2) Never take the last Beer/Cigarette even if your buddy says it is ok. For someone who doesn't believe in God, for someone reason I believe in this Karma. And I don't want to be on the same planet when your Karma hits for taking the last Beer. You just don't do it, ok?
Level 3) You shouldn't ever tell the Girl that you buddy is hitting on, that you are supposed to be wingmaning for, that your buddy has Genital Herpes and or suffers from Premature Ejaculation. While however funny it is in your mind, this is a kind of mental set bask that is nearly unrecoverable. He has a better chance if you told the girl your friend was gay.
Level 4) (Dangerous Territory) Never Ever hook-up with your buddy's ex-girlfriend, regardless of how long they have been broken up. The only exception is if it was a High school girlfriend, because those don't count (or do they Josh?).
Level 5) (Punishable by public mockery) Never ever ever even think about or even joke about or even joke about joking about or think about joking about or joke about thinking about revealing your buddy's WIS final score on MSN before he has read his Play by Play. The words "I hate you Dell" just don't seem to be enough.

"So There That Is"

Newbies Come Home

Yes, I love a winning streak. Only my two brothers from “our alternate dimension” will understand that. I must also say that a certain Walter Cash has been recently quoted as saying, “I am becoming more and more concerned about Side”. Why? Do you think I am inching any closer to insanity now, then I was? Puck v. Stick? Being two months away from asking Holly to marry me? Climbing on the third story roof of Rockham Palace #1 to get Dell’s Frisbee? Allowing Joey to pour a bucket of ice water on my head from a second story balcony for $2? DUDE I AM ALREADY INSANE! Seriously, don’t worry about me, just laugh with me in my own demise. We will all feel better about it.
For lists going and list are the “popular” thing now. I will give you MY LISTS. Mostly because I don’t want to feel left out, and a little because I think my friends lists suck.

Top 11 Movie Quotes:
1)I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trama from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, _Dennis_, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God
2)PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN. Coffee is for closers.
3)Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb?
4)Fuck you. That's my name…You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name
5)The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're fucked.
6)Its not so fun when the rabbit has a gun.
7)Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that
8)Denver? The sunshine state? Gorgeous!
9)I'm your huckleberry.
10)My prediction? Pain.
11)I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine.

Ok, that's all I got today. It is 7pm on a friday and I am bombed off of Shanghai Sangria. Dellers, I will explain the drink the next time I am home, so you now need to carve out two days, "Remy Night" and "Shanghai Sangria Night". But come to think of it, we also need to have a Chivas and Green Tea night as well. So, I need three nights, aside from our normal activities. The Shanghai Sangria is a great chick drink too, so we can incorporate it into some other event as well.

Peace from the Dark Side of the world.